Today's fan-art:
Iggycat claims cat tree for the Empire; Americat, for Manifest Destiny.
In a rush today, so, rather than write a whole new essay, I randomly pulled out an old journal file. I hope I caught all the personal/embarrassing parts...
3:20 PM 9/21/2008
I always knew that I had liked Return of the Jedi the most, out of the original Star Wars trilogy, but I couldn't really explain why. I thought I had the reason, when I explained to someone else that I just liked how cool Luke was in Episode VI. I wondered if there was something more subconscious going on, that made me favor Return of the Jedi. I realized that unlike the 2 other original movies in the Star Wars trilogy, this focused more on the gray side and redemption.
This weekend, while watching the commentaries for the first time on these movies, I was reminded that most people were in shock of Darth Vader's true Weakness. I believe, during one audio commentary, it was mentioned how people had perceived Darth Vader as an "all-powerful", cool figure, and when Empire Strikes Back was first released, many people were shocked and displeased with the hints of Vader being this old and disfigured human underneath. I recalled that VH1 retrospective on Star Wars, where various celebrities, even Kevin Smith, expressed disappointment in Return of the Jedi revealing Vader as some old, decrepit man.
But to me, all those Weaknesses were things I understood and could relate to. I know very well being in the dark, having even negative emotions as a "natural state", feeling cool and even a pseudo-strong, but simultaneously aware of my Weaknesses. Treading the gray side, sympathizing with the dark and not just siding with the light and disdaining the dark (It's ironic for me to speak against "black&white" thinking, since my mentality was sooooooo "black&white" back then...but for the sake of any excuse to have permission to lash out..) were all things I identified with. So, it should make sense that my Subconscious responded most to Return of the Jedi.
The greatest hints to that realization came with looking at the video games I held dear. I mean, video games are much more real---fuller experiences, than just watching a story. And the experiences I really reacted to were Devil May Cry 3 and Kingdom Hearts. Both were stories where the "bad guy" was really someone the Hero wanted to "save" more than just defeat. Darth Vader, Vergil, and Riku were all "enemies" which I felt more inclined to "save" or understand, because I could identify with using a darker path to achieve good intentions. Rather, it was more of a "gray" state of mind which could not accept the ethics of others, outsiders. It was more about following one's own path and not needing others to validate one's emotions and convictions. That was a type of Strength. That's why I love so much that Riku went back to a more benign lifepath, without just joining the light and "traditions". Riku was totally valid and not judged wrongly for choosing the "road between light and dark".
Even recently, I've journalled about becoming aware of my pattern of gravitating towards stories (anime, manga, video games, etc.) with a "dual hero path". I appreciate the full depth exploration and sympathetic portrayal of Lelouch in Code Geass.
Return of the Jedi did the same for Darth Vader, and I appreciated that true identification with the Dark Side.
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